If you had asked me a month ago, I would have said I was a fairly balanced individual.  And when I thought of “balance” I thought about emotional, spiritual, and mental balance, not so much literal balance..until recently.

A few weeks ago I awoke to a spinning room and an unsteady surface below me, feeling anything but balanced; Vertigo.

I had a few bouts of vertigo the month prior, but nothing this intense.  I was left feeling disoriented and helpless for the better part of three weeks.  Although my doctors and care providers assured me it would go away at some point, and that  it wasn’t anything to be concerned about (aside from debilitating symptoms and inability to take care of myself), it was frightening and really, a big inconvenience. It made basic tasks like moving my head & eyes and walking very difficult.  On top of this, I was in the process of moving and caring for an ill pet. My activities were reduced to lying in bed with my eyes closed trying not to move my head too quickly.  This gave me an awful lot of time to think, and wonder, and worry.

I was doing all the things I needed to do to recover physically; seeing a physiotherapist, acupuncturist, doctor.. yet was stuck in anxiety: paranoid the doctors might not be right, that I may not get better, that I wouldn’t be better in time to move  -so many “what ifs”  and so much self pity.  I’m sure this was causing me more trouble than not being able to move about in my usual way!

And it really was.- the more I worried, the worse the vertigo symptoms became.  The more I listened to my thoughts – the less motivated I felt to do my physio exercises that were going to help me recover.

All this to say – it was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster with many ups and downs.  I was constantly searching for “balance” and trying not to fall down a rabbit hole of pity and worry.  (As well as practicing ACTUALLY balancing on my two feet so I didn’t fall down)

I came to realize what needed to come first and foremost was my spiritual health.  Once I could come to a place of feeling grounded within myself and trust that I was OK, I was better able to ground myself in the physical sense. This obstacle gave me a fresh willingness to focus in on what I know for myself should always come first.  So even though I had lots of tears and pity parties, I also did so much meditation, prayer and healing.

Here is a lesson I am always brought back to, time and time again – that I need to find peace within myself first and everything else will fall into place, and NOT – fix and try to control everything around me and  I will be at peace. That is my balancing act, and, like many other balancing acts in my life, I made it through in one piece!

I am thankfully off the mega rollercoaster, recovering well, and doing the ongoing balancing act of life on a much more gentle rollercoaster-perhaps a Ferris wheel (for now anyways.)  I do know all the rollercoasters I’ve been on have prepared me for the next!

Wishing everyone perseverance, peace and courage for whatever rollercoaster you may be riding today <3

Annie